It finally happened

Unexpectedly, everything fell into place. I was diagnosed with ADD in 9th grade, and for my parents and teachers, it was an "Oh, he has a condition" moment. I started taking medication, my handwriting improved to something finally readable, my grades increased , and I began to resemble a "normal" kid.

As time went by, ADHD started to gain popularity, not only in my country, but worldwide. I remember when the ADD and ADHD subreddits merged into the ADHD one, a move I didn't particularly like because I was not a hyperactive person. In fact, I was the exact opposite.

Midway through my chemical engineering career, I began having heart problems, and long story short, my cardiologist had me stop taking my ADD meds due to a strange arrhythmia they were causing. Around this time, my therapist, YouTube videos, Instagram pages, and TikToks (which were gaining popularity) all offered advice on managing life without ADD meds, frequently discussing the topic of "hyperfocus."

The idea was that people with ADHD and ADD might find tasks easier if they are genuinely interested in them. Yet for me, everything was equally dull or challenging. The only thing I could consistently do for hours on end without getting tired was playing video games. I also realized that I was more efficient at my job when I had extra things to do, and that I was most productive under deadlines, which is why I always kept myself busy with work.

However, every time I had to work on my thesis or any college-related activity, it was incredibly difficult. I would end up doing anything but what I needed to do - cleaning the house, cleaning my keyboard key by key, anything else that was productive but not thesis prod uctive.

The content on social media always emphasized how productive and powerful one can be when engaged in something they truly enjoy, even going so far as to skipping meals without noticing. And it felt strange to not experience this, especially as someone officially diagnosed with ADD. Now, I'm not saying that self-diagnosed individuals don't have ADHD or ADD, but many haven't seen a psychologist, let alone a psychiatrist. This opened the door for misdiagnosis and it was odd consuming hyperfocus content from unknown sources.

Recently, I decided to create a personal website for my CV to appear more professional, given my plans to move to Europe next year. I had previously wanted a domain for a cool, professional email, but was advised that "@gmail.com" was not significantly less professional if I wasn't hosting a website.

Despite my basic Python knowledge, I embarked on building a website in Python. One day in, a close friend of mine stopped me in my tracks, saying, "Please don't try to use a hammer to tighten a screw." He introduced me to more suitable tools - Nextjs, React and Tailwindcss - and left me with a blank webpage displaying "This is my CV," encouraging me to forge my own path. I was so engrossed in this project that I barely slept for three days. I faced many challenges, felt moments of frustration, but most importantly, I loved every bit of it.

Now, with the second iteration of my website in place, and about four projects in the pipeline to build my portfolio, I finally experienced what it was like to hyperfocus. However, when it came time to do the final corrections for my thesis defense, I found myself unable to co ncentrate on the task, despite its significance. The only thing I wanted to do was work on my website.

Now, I'm left with a big decision. I want to start working on a website that isn't personal to see if I remain as invested. However, I'm reconsidering my life, particularly regarding my career. I will keep you updated on what happens next.